Identifying takers from the start
Do you know anyone with whom these words resonate: energy zapper, taker, victim, drama queen, rescuer, manipulator?
In What Creates Energy in Organizations, Cross, Baker and Parker identify “de-energizers” as
People who have an uncanny ability to drain the life out of a group. These energy-sappers are avoided wherever possible, even when they have expertise to contribute in solving a problem. When a meeting with a “de-energizer” is unavoidable, people will often waste time dreading it and mentally rehearse how they will cope …. Thus de-energizers not only drain the people they meet but often affect the productivity of people they might not even know.
In Give and Take, Adam Grant describes three types of networkers: givers, takers and matchers. As their name suggests, takers engage in relationship building that is all about them. They request help often and give help seldom.
Grant says that the negative impact of a taker typically exceeds the positive impact of a giver by a multiple of two or three to one, so the best way to increase the productivity of an organization is not to increase the number of givers. Instead, it is to eliminate the takers. I can think of many examples when I devoted substantial time to addressing the issues of a taker, wasting energy that could have contributed to moving the organization forward.
In The Asshole Survival Guide, Bob Sutton says that negative interactions take five times more energy than positive interactions, or alternatively, for every negative interaction, you need five positive interactions to overcome it. Sutton focuses on one group of de-energizers, called “persecutors” in the Karpman drama triangle. Stephen Karpman identifies two other types as “victims” and “rescuers”.
No matter the label, once a taker is in an organization, they are easy to spot. Your whole team will be talking about them, but at that point it’s too late. During the (long) time it takes to move away from a taker, your team will be bogged down in negative energy and lose productivity.
The most effective way to keep your energy is not to lose it in the first place. Sutton describes this as “the da Vinci rule” or “it is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end”. How can you identify a taker up front, to avoid introducing them into your team or organization?
Grant suggests a few ways to identify takers early on:
– Gather reputational information: Find mutual contacts on LinkedIn and see how they have treated others in their network, especially peers or those lower in the organization.
– Ask situational interview questions: Ask them to predict what other people would do in a specific situation.
– Look for signs of self-promotion: Review social network pages for words suggesting self-importance or quotes that are boastful and arrogant. Takers tend to use “I” and “me” vs. “you” and “we”. They ask for special treatment during the interview process or give a bad impression or feeling.
Research by Isabelle Nazare-Aga identifies 30 characteristics of manipulators and suggests the importance of listening to your intuition when you experience situations like these:
– Feelings: Makes others feel guilty, doubts their skills and personalities, general state of discomfort.
– Communication: Does not communicate clearly, responds vaguely, makes veiled threats, abruptly changes topic, lies or makes false statements, uses flattery, creates suspicion, stirs up ill feeling.
– Behaviors: Doesn’t take responsibility, changes behavior depending on the situation, ignores requests, self-centered, cannot take criticism, waits until the last minute to ask.
– Interaction with others: Does not consider the rights and needs of others, constantly the focus of conversation even if not present, makes people do things they would not have done of their own free will.
The challenge is that at first glance, takers can be very good “fakers”. The interview process is a short interaction in which it can be difficult to spot takers. I have read that if you see a behavior repeated three times it is a pattern, but interviews often don’t provide enough data to see this pattern.
In addition, we often want to be nice and present a positive face of the organization instead of digging deep. Creating a few challenging situations from the start may be a way to identify a taker and / or to discourage them from joining your organization, even if you haven’t managed to screen them out.
Grant identifies the most effective networkers as “givers with boundaries”. Setting boundaries starting with the interview process may be just the ticket to keep your team filled with givers and matchers and to keep your organizational energy flowing.
Questions for consideration
– Do you recognize any of these “taker” behaviors in your organization? Take steps to minimize them or move away from the takers.
– Are you in a hiring process? Try some of these ideas to reduce the chance of hiring a taker.
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